Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
