I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
