they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
