There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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