I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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