I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize