Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it's like iHOP with fire
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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