Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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