I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize