i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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