it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
