yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
