Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
