I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
