Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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