if you like me you must not know who I am
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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