you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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