I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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