my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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