I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
