The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
