i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I need a burrito and a hug.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
