so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
