Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
