so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
