come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
