I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
