You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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