i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
