No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
