I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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