Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
