apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
