she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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