Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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