onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
how drunk are you?
Several
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
