i jhust puked up my retainher.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
