Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
