I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
His nipple licking is glorious
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