I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
