Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
