You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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