What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
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I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
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Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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