So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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