My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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