you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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