Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
