I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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