I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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