who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
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I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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