And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
