Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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