Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
