Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
