I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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