So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
