Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
