he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
