I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
