I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
