This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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