you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
