i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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