Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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