he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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