The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
