Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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