I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
