There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
