Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
