I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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