so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
