Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
