That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
