he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
